It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
