I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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