i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
