How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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