no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Help me help you realize you are a moron
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
