Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
