I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
