how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
