He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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