I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
