you traded sex for a burrito?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
where are my eyebrows?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
