The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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