yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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