Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
