I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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