she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize