Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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