I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize