What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
