btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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