I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
