I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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