If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
