Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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