I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
