Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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