In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fill condoms, not promises.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
