So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
