she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
