Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
