Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
