I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
