I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
