i jhust puked up my retainher.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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