btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
