The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize