If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
