I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
