You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
