Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We got so high we made milksteak
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
