he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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