Nicole vs. Life
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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