If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
