We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize