I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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