Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
