jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
