she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize