Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
