Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You look like a girl that would like strip clubs

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

She said she didn't have time to shave "there"

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.

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(760): View more from California

And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"

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(207): View more from Maine

Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived

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(651): View more from Minnesota

He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?

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(519): View more from Ontario

dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.

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(515): View more from Iowa

You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?

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