I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
