I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She said her name was "party"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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