based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
