dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize