I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize