did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
