You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
