i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
