well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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