I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize