my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize