He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
