At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
