Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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