if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
