I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
